Holy shit. Reading this book "speak", or rather glancing through it, remind me of that time when I was molested. It was..last year.. Last school year. Omg. i.. It must've been supressed or something. Omg. I was so scared at the time I couldn't yell.. Couldn't do anthing. i was paralyzed.. And I still wonder whetherr it was me fault. I mean, *he* said it msut have been for not saying anything, but he also didn't want to believe it because the person who did it was his friend..... But it was the goddamn truth. That... THAT was the final thing that pushed me over instability land. THAT was the true trigger. Shit..

I'm practically going out of my mind with stress!

It's horrible. I can't even think straight. I don't know what the heck to do. Everything is spinning too quickly, and I wonder what will happen when it finally becomes too much. When I hear everything at once, how will I break? What will my reaction be? Just not hearing anything? Because I'm getting pretty close to that point with everything coming at me all at once. God damn.. I hate this all so much. It's a flurried frenzy! Is there any way to finally get back on track? Have I derailed?

I just wish there could be somebody who would love me unconditionally. No matter what kind of horrible person I can be a times, or the bad I may do. Someone who wouldn't leave me or reject me, or eventually hurt me in the best way they could. I do my best. I really do... Can't anybody just appreciate that and accept me in all of my imperfection. Right now all I have is myself to keep me going. I know I have a greater purpose than this, and I can't give up. I'm doing something that goes beyond me;I don't care how selfish my parents say I am. And somewhere, someone needs me and godammit I will be there for them.. Someday, I promise.

I would be nothing like the person I am now. I would want nothing besides this

hing. I look at my reflection and marvel at the abundance of flaws. Flaws that create the perfect me. Without all the horrible things I HAVE experienced,

n myself used to disturb me to no end. But look at me now! All it takes is time, really. I've come so far, I know this can't all amount to absolutely not

t way? I've made so much progress in developing the person I have always truly been in a way that I can express myself outwardly. The inability to explai

I gotta keep fighting this feeling. I just have to keep going, pushing,trudging, whatever it takes. It shouldn't be that hard, so why am I making it tha

the concious effort to relate on the same level, so you're not above or below anybody in the percision of being human. And everything is what we make it.

.. I'm making too much of a big deal out of this. Today I understood what it means to become on with the world. It's all about understanding, and making

identity. Does she know I can directly see her mind as much as she can see mine? We're equally exposed, but I had always taken precationary measures. Eh

s so filled with dark irony that it is confusing me. Intuition is rendered useless, and I'm forced to watch things play out. At least I didn't expose his

don't care. I don't feel any regret or remorse. Not for that.
And I shouldn't. I more than half-wish I could just tell her the whole truth...everything i

Oh wow. I wish I had know that I was basically putting my personal thoughts over a loud speaker. Now I realize who sits in the audience, and strangely I

What's been captured in thismoment appears so strange.
A fragment of a spectacle brilliantly colored being rearranged.

Indescribable as it may truly be, it's so great an ordeal that its significance can't be relievd

this secret that I clutch, hidden in the flesh of my palm
is the single thing that can be proved neither right nor wrong.

there's a mangled mix of frosty hatred and burning love that can only decribed with no intensity residing above

so what is this truth that we hide from ourselves? This thing we try so hard to convey with closed mouths?

feelings are what we acknowledge inside, and the means of which motivation provide.

it works meticulously to shape our perspective,
remaining ambiguous, so much as objective.

it's simple, the feelings that we believe we hold
are the essential foundations of the clay pictures we mold

trust thing was all me. That any efforts I made to resolve my past mistakes were, and alwas would be, totally useless. There is more to life though...

I've done within the past year and a half.. One decision.. Ends it."
No going back it seems. I remember how I thought it was all my fault before. How the

portrayed as some reincarnation of the devil. God damn. There are worst things she could do. Matt's so afraid of being hurt...
"It sucks that after all

ply not true. Holly needs someone who understands her better and sympathizes. She's not a bad person because of one action, and shouldn't be condemned or

because of one simple action. I side with her on this. Completely. Matt is too fixated and assumes everything will end on one or two ways. No. That's sim