How the heck do I write so much,anyways? I know I have many ideas constantly circulating in my mind,but how do I focus on one long enough to elaborate on it without forgetting the others? I've written over 55 pages in my journal,so that's completely disregarding however much writing I had texted to this blog of mine;yes I text it. I text almost all of it.. Muahahaha... But still,30 pages of writing in one night? That's pretty oo interesting... You figured how many hours that must have taken.. How many hours are in night for me to be finished writing at 7am the next morning and never hesitating for a moment to relax my arms.. I'll tell you right now,it was less than 8 hours. That's over 4 pages per hour,at the least.. Thinking about it makes my arm sore ~_~ I guess inspiration knows no limit. You wish you had my superpowers ;P ..I love mania/hypomania.. Hypomania=hyperproductivity

Omg,it's sooo annoying.Lately I've been having thoughts of self-injury again...
It's unnerving..

Last time I self-harmed,I think I was at band camp... I've been really good about it,too. I haven't hurt myself at all,in any self-destructive way since then (besides that one day at school..but..oh,well,whatever)..
I've been managing my suicidal thoughts really well,too.. But recently it's become increasingly difficuly to downright disregard them.. The more they whisper to me,the more influence they gain over my own perspective because it's so subtle. I don't want to die T~T I don't want to listen to that inner-voice,and I don't want it to get to the point where it drowns out my own....... I don't want to be at the place where I doubted that this voice I speak with now was ever mine,let alone real.

I fight World War 3,because once my consciousNess ceases to be,so will the world as I knew it. Even if I am a puppet,and following my moral judgement means I'm following some pre-scripted destiny, I don't want to give up my role. I still feel,even if it all seems shallow and superficial,utterly pointless,on some occasions. My perspective is all I ever knew and all I ever will know.

laimed geniuses have "mental problems"
..Walking in the gray between assumptions,psychosis,mania,and hypomania,we find more truths and we find more lies.

e.

Assumptions really are a necessary evil. They help us to an extent,then ultimately become our restraining variable.. Perhaps this is why so many acc

uld appear so. It would also appear we need to be less trusting in our beliefs and that we deserve to have our senses of pride broken downquite a bit mor

nt in which we saw through our own eyes and created a memory? Is our range of vision so thoroughly biased and limited by what our expectations are? It wo

ervations and objective glimpses of how we appear when looking in from the outside? Why do we seem so different when we see ourselves outside of the mome

ous awareness we may be, but when viewed by the rest of reality,we never could be),is what we define ourselves by.. So what's the point of striving for a

goal that wouldn't be possible unless we shut of the other part of reality;the reality that the world would give to us through outsiders' subjective obs

e not knowing what truth will exist in the next.. It's like a fear to be anything less than 100% correct all of the time(which in our own field of consci

eir disbelief through claiming to advocate true skepticism,but even a skeptic like me would realize that we can give meaning to the current moment despit

tion of your underlying pessimism and unwillingness to seek out meaning for the less fortunate occurences of our lives...? Maybe they'd try to justify th

and say they're non-believers.. Even if we may not be able to know for sure whether or not God exists,isn't claiming to be a non-believer a direct reflec

at they lose value and we undo whatever purpose we'd given to our lives... What a waste of energy.. Like when people talk about things like Santa or God

ation for the main attraction.
Holidays can be soothing to the soul,if not strictly out of habituation..

..we tend to overthink things to the point th

our way to christmas tree lane as my parents reflect upon their youth,citing a landmark gas station.. My sister is singing festively,and I sit in anticip

Yeah,it'll be fine. I was right to not be paranoia.. If something were to happen,it would have already.. We're taking detour after detour,trying to wind

Call it self-medication or whatever you'd like,but I took some more of my medication with the hope this car ride down christmas tree lane we're about to take would be a little less horrendous and lengthy.. The problem is.. I'm not sure how much I just took. It was kinda crushed up and outside of the pill container and it may have been alot more than a person should take unless they want to die of cardiac arrest. There's nothing left to do now but wait it out and see what happens,I guess. I'm not that worried. It's not like I'd die when I didn't intend to when I hadn't died all the times I did intend to xD if I do,lmfao. Put on my gravestone as a quote "this would have happened to me.. MLHBFed(my life has been fucked)" haha..

Oh my god..!

Josh's sister's fiancé got decapitated in a car accident(hit by a drunk driver) right next to his sister... This is the same guy whose father has terminal cancer and who claims to love me.... Who has also been suicidal at times,and believes he is bipolar.... Who I've been trying to help back onto their feet. My feelings are downright irrelevant if somebody else needs me to be there for them. That is all it comes down to. He needed me,and that was it.. That's what I'm here for.

tend to mark me off as being odd until they come to see things through my eyes. A perspective is something that can endure a lifetime's amount of changes