I have to get it out

 I don't know what, exactly, but I know it needs to happen. I have so many emotions and thoughts circling around, it's dizzying. I guess that's what my form of writers block is .-. I don't feel like typing perfectly correctly right now. I'm just going to slack off on this.

I've been under and extreme amount of stress lately, and it's hard to say why. It's personal insecurities, I guess, but a combination of factors. I have no clue why my moods are shooting straight to hell at the rate that they are, though... no idea. I joked with my therapist that it's stress withdrawal, and adverse reaction because I've had so much stress throughout my life that when it toned down a bit, I became unstable. It was funny because she brought it up.

I've been having to deal with my health issues, and I guess that's stressful, especially when there's so much I don't know. I'm realizing more that it's possible I have more than one autoimmune disorder, which would make a lot of sense, but be horrible. Very horrible. Life really doesn't cut me any slack, it just seems like every year things become more difficult. I really don't like where things are heading, I mean, when you think about it, the amount of shit I already have to tolerate is remarkable. 3 types of internal bleeding now, hashimoto's thyroid autoimmune disorder, polycystic ovarian disorder, I do have a cyst, I have nodule on the lumbar area of my spine, my hormones are fucked up, I'm dealing with mental issues...

So despite these things, why do I write? Why now of all times?

I used to be a compulsive writer, people have been nagging me forever to write something, and I am hoping, for at least this next month, it will put my mind somewhat as ease as I deal with the hell spreading from my insides out. When all you see is darkness, better, perhaps, to escape into fantasy, where hope isn't just wishful thinking, but your total reality.

^--my mind right now.