The day before..

..my birthday? Yay? Not quite. Actually, I don't care about my birthday. I don't plan to do anything, talk to anybody, get anything, go anywhere, nothing :\ I don't even feel like I'm really turning 17. This past year I kept thinking I was seventeen anyways.. and there has never been a day where "Mad World"'s lyrics have been so ironic in the way I relate to them. Never. Others are more excited for me than I am, and of course no one would see I was depressed today. Oh yes, I am a good person to hide their emotions from the rest of the world. Nobody could even guess that suicidal thoughts were constantly running through my head all. day. long.

What is one to do when nothing in the world could possibly make them happy, and nothing that had happened caused them to become depressed in the first place?

I'd like to think "give up." is not the answer..
I really would. Come on, life. Bring it. I know you can hurt me better than that.
Even though I did.. hurt myself today. I guess others would say it was pretty badly. Of course I told no one. I never tell people.. nor do I admit how screwed I really am. Maybe they'll find out after..
meh.

I let it hapen again. I let my thoughts accumulate to the point where they're overwhelming. I have to deal with them to let them go, but I didn't. I can't. It's too much.. too many.. it would take too long. It would hurt too much. Dreams fail me, so I'm just gonna..........