Understanding our natural preferences had, at one point, been as natural as breathing, yet so much conditioning got in the way, and so much "knowledge" was acquired that would corrupt our intuitive judgment.. our understandings of our understandings became corrupt.

Desperately I try to retain whatever insight I have in my blessed moments of wisdom, try to remember "the truth".. and I guess the truth must be that we cannot always know the truth. We may not always understand the truth, but the truth will still exist. We may not touch,smell,taste,breathe,see the truth.. but it may be understood...

But what am I trying to do with my words and ways? Am I putting faith in her words or actions, because both have failed.. or am I putting my faith elsewhere.. Am I investing in my intuitive judgment of her nature? My beliefs are something I can maintain,regardless of changing circumstance, so in a way, if I were to put my full faith in her, judging initially that she is one pure of heart, and then considering that judgment a constant.. then no matter what mistakes she made, if she was truly pure of heart, the original pattern of behavior should persist despite the random errs of human nature.


Well, I need to remember it's okay to forgive myself for what I misjudged. It's natural for people to make mistakes.. and I can only justify forgiving myself, justify loving myself, if I choose to forgive and love others,as well.