Too close..

Sara came WAY too close.. too fawking close,man. She almost caused me to fall apart :\ Dang her and her lies of friendship.. total lies.. the look of "sincerity" did not convince me,not for a moment,and I wouldn't give in to that to save my own life, she couldn't understand. Nobody could understand. Nobody WILL understand,because I won't give them the tools to,because I can't trust them.. because I don't trust myself... to not tear apart their hopes and aspirations,all on a whim :( I'm a menace.. and they don't even know the kinds of secrets I have. The kinds of things I am going through,that I didn't choose,but happen anyways.. nor could they understand how critical this situation is with me right now. These next few months,if not few weeks,if not few days,will be the most dangerous of my life. It's funny how I can say I'm FINE and get away with it because they have no clue what it really means. Fucked IN extreme. lolol. Apparently saying "I'm fine." is the #1 lie. >_> oh well. Can't quite bring myself to care.. If you could hear inside my head right now, it wouldn't be very pleasant. Suicidal obsessions yet again.. *sigh*

But how alive could I be in that single moment of irony?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

obsessive thoughts,obsessive thoughts;
they will not leave me alone!
I think and I think and I know that I think,
but I know what I think I can't know.