...the fuck just happened to me? One of the worst psychotic breaks of my life,but why?

My heart was spazzing out of synch.. How long is my body going to cry wolf before it truly fails me?

Meh, it feels like I'm dying,mentally. The sad part is I can't make myself care,because with the mental dying comes numbness,which I must have needed. Apathy,when I can't stop caring about people,or the memories that torment me.

nd I need something tangible to hold on to while the rest of the world begins to spin out of synch,in time with my mind.

ectrum of full bipolarity;including those stemming from depression. Good and bad,decision making,the constant feeling time is wasting along with the thou

out ideas I know are not good,yet at the same time they're the only ones I hear,being shouted the loudest,drowing out my logic. Abstract needs to cease,a

ghts spinning up above,nowhere to escape,so many actions to take....
I'm not sure what the hell I should do,but oh,does my other side of the mind scream

to think ideas through,which while it may be similar to what I am going through now,the range of things that could happen expands towards those in the sp

ng my ADHD medicine,adderall, I know I put myself at a far greater risk for consequences that are negative,such as impulsive behavior for a lack of will

logic is starting to unravel,fraying,and tearing rationality apart at the seams. This is also something that tends to frighten me. If I were to stop taki

s remembering our state of being that led up to out decisions that led to said results. The way these words spin out of my head, I know my straight-line

moments,otherwise we put ourselves in a position to fall prey to the same result. It's more than simply remembering the mistake and how it was made; it'

then I had forgotten why I had ever thought so in the first place after it had gone. We must not forget that we have forgotten what it was like in those

an unwelcomed guest. I remember I used to think I had lost my mind completely when confronted with such sinister ideas, reacting in whatever ways I had,

say that piano is one of my lifelines to escape the "now". I don't know what caused my pessimism to reawaken,but.. It was certainly a gradual process,and

nd completely,and play my keyboard in an attempt to concentrate on something taking place outside of my head that requires active concentration. I could

I'm basically secluding myself in my room while my mom,dad,and sister are all preoccupied with Rock Band:The Beatles. I.. Just want to be alone,totally a

I have a really bad feeling.. When I think about something,it's always for a reason. Usually, something happens extremely connected to the thoughts.. And I've been thinking about the death of a loved one;what it is,exactly,that I would do if I lost someone,and all that would become of me. Someone who meant alot to me. For me,someone with a fragile psyche,I'm almost always given time preimptively by a sixth sense to start preparing me emotionally for loss.. It may not seem so odd,but these gut feelings and ways I react without realizing how out of the ordinary they are until later.. There's always a pattern to them. The pattern of preperation says "loss of friend". I.. Don't want to lose anybody. Not again </3 I am.. Not ready. It'd destroy me right now T.T
..I'm afraid. I'm going to pray alot for them,because I know something will happen soon. I've been praying for some people lately,but now I won't let them leave me heart and mind again.. Not until this feeling is gone. I won't let them slip away because I didn't bother to watch out for them.. It's almost panick,frantic as it is,but it.. I won't let this defense mechanism psyche me out. I'll hope my strongest it is merely an illusory correlation. Please let these tangible words cause me to be wrong :(

"All-or-nothing" is an evil mentality.. I know it's a curse that it has taken me captive,but how can I escape it after I had already forfeited to the consequence, subscribing to them from,whatever they may have been, from the very beginning?

I knew when I chose to fall for him, I couldn't turn back;yet I never anticipated that things could turn out this way :(