:P

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thoughts and Feels

Time seems to be drifting by quickly, and I feel a greater sense of urgency to... I'm not sure how I could describe other than saying 'resolve' the situations I am in the midst of dealing with.
There's hope, though, and that hope comes in the power of friendship.
When you hold onto something, you run the risk of losing grip, but it can be argued the loss is worth the risk anyways... I choose to believe that's true. Whether this choice will ultimately lead to the detriment of our collective humanity, I cannot say, nor can I say where life will lead me in the nearing future, but I think I'm okay with anything involving change.

I can say that I've come a long way these past 9 months... very far, with the help and support of several people. Not to say I don't occassionally struggle; that'd be a total lie. I'm dealing with even more difficult problems in some respects, but my depression is manageable and as long as I can hold onto hope for the future, none of that other stuff really matters all that much to me.

There's one person I definitely want to meet... never thought I'd actually meet somebody who cared to understand and actually did... not like this. I've been in situations before where I thought I was going someplace, but it led me in a roundabout... yet despite reality being of that nature, perhaps this wouldn't be a saddening resolution.

Can I prolong the cycle?

That's what I want, I think. I have very many reasons... but I guess I wouldn't really need one anyways. Less asking "why?" and more "living in the now" as I embrace the coming moments. Hah, I guess I really can relate to "Stuff and Nonsense"... haha, unless you count Steve. Quite a legacy he has going for him now... I can only laugh when I think about it.

So many worries used to spin through my head... I love this way of life now. I guess it is through not clinging that I have learned of freedom. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Ahaha, sleep talking, sleep typing, I'm so silly. At least my subconscious isn't trying to slay me anymore. I have dedication towards a goal, I don't care how long it takes and what it entails... Now that it's in my line of sight, I will not relent. Maybe that's the point to this all... to enjoy the pursuit for the sake of the thing in itself, and not for the result.

I'll keep developing our plot in the meantime... it's so adorable. And who would know? Now I can say what lies in close proximity to my heart, as well... there is certainly a principle there.

If I drift into a dreamland, will you be there, too?