It's surprising. I always have this tendency to assume I was so different in the way I thought a year ago, but who I am hasn't really undergone so much of a transformation. In many ways, I believe I was more creative and more intensely driven by my aspirations, but now.. I don't know. I really don't know.
Every day that passes is a reminder that time is running out and I'm beginning to feel a little cornered. I've been dealing with some pretty horrible depression lately, if it wasn't apparent. Suicidal thoughts continually run through my head;I'm trying my best to ignore them,but in times of weakness.. I want to regress. Regress back into my most pitiful state of being... I want to die, I want to live, I want to not know, I want to know,I want time to stop,but to not be wherever "here" is.
I never would have imagined I could relate so well to others with these thoughts.. Not truly. Not in the way that I can. Not in the way that I am. Everybody needs somebody sometimes. I am not above it. I don't want a relationship.. I really could care less, but what I need is a friend. I need somebody to whom I am not a faceless entity.. and I think I've discovered somebody like that. Somebody who.. I'd much rather listen to and talk with and I really.. They're just amazing. I've had this nagging suspicion about this person for years..
..I should talk less. I could sympathize more.
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