Slowly I see myself becoming more like him..

I remember way back when.. I was far from being in his shoes. I had this illusion of understanding that would only later dissolve into what it really was;nothing,ignorance,misunderstands for which I was to blame. "You always make assumptions",and I couldn't understand what he meant by that then,though I was sure I did. I was always so sure that I understood him better than he understood himself.

But now, here I am. I see myself then through his eyes, and I see from where his irritation stemmed.. what fatal errors he made along the way,and the obstacles I must overcome as I try not to retrace his footsteps. Being so passive,as was he, I'm going to have to approach the situation on a whole different level, and I've known that. Every outlash would be a strike at myself.. I felt that way with Maria,too. Walking on eggshells... When people are so fragile, we have no idea what little thing could cause them to break,even if it's not our fault they're made of porcelain. I don't want people to say they understand this,because they don't. I am always ambiguous for a reason;so people DON'T try to relate. I was hoping they'd realize I'm being so unspecific that they can't. This is the way I show my annoyance. This is how I understand why he eventually stopped talking.. People are so selfish. They pretend to care about what you have to say only if it benefits them.. and so many people want me to listen, to tell them "It's okay, you're not the bad guy.. It will be okay,don't worry about it. I'll be your martyr." and I do. I am. But if came the day they no longer needed me, I would be disposed of, and I'm well aware of this. This is why they don't truly care what I have to say. They are only so much the victims as they are the criminals. I need space! I can't be expected to give up all my health and sanity to other people just because it would be most comfortable them.. I need to stop catering to their every whimper. My problem is I feel responsible if other people say I hurt them.. and another flashback reminds me of how he had been.

"It's not my fault you were hurt because I stepped on your foot."

..but to WHAT EXTENT do I cause people pain,or is it only in their perspective? To what point do action and intention balance out? JHEAOJHGPJRETGPWAJRHBPSEWARHB{JES{RgkoEAHRBEKDf[HGJEA{rkgh[JGRH{FhRP{KHEA{