Oh God..

I think.. I could die. From a liver failure.. I took way too much hydrocodone-5mg ones. Like 7 or something. I didn't realize how little it would take to cause a liver failure.. Fuck. I think I could die. I really could. Well.. I guess I'm just going to do the same thing I've always done at times like these. Sit it out and pray. I'm stupid. Really, a fucking dumb ass. Ignorance. It very well may be the death of me. Also stubbornness.. unwillingness to ask for the help I need for the sake of pride. Forgive me everyone.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.... There's so much I need to do. I'm afraid to sleep.. With the fear of never again waking up. My god, I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell them how sorry I am. Everybody.. All the people I've hurt in the past. J.R., my family, my friends. Everyone. Everyone I could hurt through my death. I don't want to die.. Oh.. The way I've been thinking about it.. I should have taken it more seriously. I should have known it was more than mere thoughts.. They were.. preceding something. Like they always had. Will this all have been for nothing? Please.. don't let it be. I've been so blind. Just in case.. the combination for lock of the suitcase is 38-14-0. Just in case. Even if it means nothing to anyone.. it's there.



It.. can't end. I.. really have too much to live for. So much I could do. So much to say..... Oh........

What can I do?

Take my adhd medication and stay awake as long as possible.

I think that's what I'll do. Now I have a reason to fear sleep.

I don't know if it will effect me worse.

I remember being in this place mentally.. not fun.

Thinking I'm going to die.. reliving all those mistakes you wish you could take back, but know you can't.

It's an awful place to be.

Trapped in suspended space.



But I feel fine right now. I feel no fear. I don't think I will die. It can't be so. And even if it was, I can never know what effect it may have on those around me. It could be something really astounding; the way everyone realizes how short life is and how we should appreciate those moments of bliss. Seize everymoment and learn to live because every moment of fleeting conciousness is a gift.

No- I will be okay. I can feel it in my bones, and the very essence of my soul. I will return~!