Just another day in paradise...

My... Head... f***. And depression strikes again. Too many things are happening.. Too much. Everything is too much for me right now... I just want to curl up and die. It's not normal depression,no.. It's a mixed episode because I simultaneously want to run out the window and jump in front of a train.. If I am depressed at school,what the hell can I do? With Andrew walking with me after 1st,if I take off suddenly that'd be weird,if I say nothing,that'd be really obvious,and there's no way I could just say I'm fine. Not even. As for saying the truth.. What could he even say? What could ANYBODY say?
*insert awkward silence here* "oh.... I hope you feel bett...
awkward silence here* "oh.... I hope you feel better........."
.......................................does not want. I want to get the hell out of my to somebody put me out of my misery already??? I've...
only been asking for years.... And in a way,I am a veteran of this internal war that is all too real,yet truly I only survived the battle. Though the wa...
et truly I only survived the battle. Though the war has yet to claim me.. I've tried to kill myself so many times that I'm probably dead,anyways.. This is all probably fake. This pain feels so real,though <\3

Ughhhhhh

I want to die,I want to die,I want to be dead,I want to be shot in the head...
shot in the f***ing head right now. The memories keep echoing and..no more. I don't want this anymore... It hurts so bad... Surely death should seem more sound.
this,writing isn't helping.
echo my thoughts,echo my soul,repetitive misery,a redundant hole.
let me out of this cage
that seems to be symbolic
of your supressed rage
for which I'm held accountable
the pain fuels my uselessness
I will never get used to this
and I doubt when I die
would I truly be missed
and the scars that some
would have on the wrists
faded from your eyes
yet they don't cease to exist
.UPS .AnD. _downs_I want to be in one place
not wasting my time
occupying multiple spaces
defying the laws of physics
but my mind won't let me
sleep like another,so soundly
and whatever words I cry
are so empty,no purpose to try
I might as well die..
if this pain take from me reason
then what force am I left with?
no longer would it be an act of treason
to aim to find the answer the one way I could
nobody would know the words
that I refuse to speak
you may think it's utterly absurd
but I'm glad...

..you don't know.