I'm feeling rather inspired today..er..tonight..er..this morning. time flies oO

As you can see, I have posted several entries. I'm sitting here gaping in amazement at the final turnout for the semester's grading process. Surprisingly, I did much better than I had expected in a particular class where I had not expected to. Physics. I ended up receiving a "C"..which is astonishing considering I had enrolled in the class mid-semester, and rarely put any effort into my work. I'm flabbergasted. Given everything that has occurred this semester, I am VERY proud of myself. Everything else.. yeah, the grades were pretty much shown as I expected. Not horrible, but still yet to reflect the truth about what I gained from each subject. Personally, I feel as if my test scores are a better portal to view the summary of my progress. Everybody tells me that if I did my homework I could fail every test and receive a "C". But where's the fun in that? I'd rather test myself without having studied, just to see what I knew naturally. And then I could learn from there. Hm. Beginning the sentence with "and" is technically incorrect grammar, as I was informed by a fellow colleague.. When will they understand I truly don't give a damn? :X If I wanted to be criticized for my punctuality, I could take all my writing to my English teacher. Personally, I'd prefer not to.. she's kinda.. um.. overly friendly. Comes on kinda strong as a person, and those type of people scare me a little for some reason.. "..Monday morning!", someone just exclaimed. Why yes, I suppose it is Monday, nearly 3am on Monday morning to be exact. Most reasonable people would be sleeping, however, I am not a reasonable person. Well, okay, maybe I am a little occasionally.. but whatever. Regardless, I'm pulling an all-nighter. I really hadn't gotten the chance to write a free flow of my ideas, all due to my new found paranoia in relation to my mother and her persistence in invading my privacy. She stole a bunch of my personal writing.. in a way, my diary entries, despite the fact I informed her that they were such. All I have to say is that I'm awaiting the day I can escape my oppressive environment. Those close to me know exactly what I mean by those words. Turns out the problem involving my Father (from last years exploit) is still in longevity. Had it been an earlier point in my growth, it would have been a major hindrance in my progress, as it would have presumed chisling away at my faith and willpower. But, as I have matured past that point, it's something I am able to move past. In any case, it's not like I have a choice..

~~ Advise to someone dear to me, struggling to hold true to their idea of love~~

"Maybe it's because they see you as having new eyes, and a young soul, 'cause you haven't dated much, and they think you can't possibly know anything of what love is
but..
people who are older, or ignorant to something like this.. they don't realize that despite the fact we're younger, and we still have much to learn,what we know things to be will always be true in the moment.
hmm.. lemme think of an analogy here:
~~
A young child sees the world for the first time.
In that moment, that it was they know the world to be. Their first impression.. it can change over time, but whatever feeling they have because of that is all they know.
If it's joy, the most joy they've felt..
then an adult can't say, "you don't know true joy"
because it IS true joy, for that person..
I thought about this a long time ago.. but what do YOU think?"
~~
"Don't hesitate to form you're own idea about this.. that's what it's all about.
See things how you think they are..
You can take peoples' ideas into consideration, but it's best to take everything into perspective and form your own opinion. To me, the opinion I have formed is important because it is a direct reflection of what I have learned, who I am, and my most current call of judgement. It sets the mark for what I have personally experienced, as well as the distance I have thus far come as a person."

~~
"Another: ignorance is the worse crime one can do

Jacqui: yeah.. I don't know..
It's a lifestyle and preference.
I can understand why some may choose ignorance.. you know, the path to an accomplished understanding comes with sacrifice and peril,and some who continue learning find there's nothing more they wish to know, and ignorance.. well, it's not a true concept,
'cause as we live, we learn, regardless of our will to remain unknowledgable.
You just can't run from life unless you die.
Others just choose to learn more slowly
It prevents boredom, I guess..
I'm pretty sure that's why there's so many genius with mental issues.. did you know that?

Another: didn't know that

Jacqui : At least, that's my thought on the matter.
I dunno, because of my will to learn and question things, I stumbled across some road blocks of my own;like when you start questioning, "What's the point of all this",
and you ask, and look, and find nothing other than what you were always told.
And you still don't want to accept it, so you just get tired of waiting eventually.
Some people can't move past that..
and many people don't."
~~
Jacqui says:
well, I'm happy for living this moment.
I don't ever want to be so fixated on the future that I stare past all the opportunities given to me now
Another: and by the time we realize it, it'd be too late
Jacqui: Yes, but not even that..
even if it is a little farther into the future, if we don't live now and only discuss the future, the once the future arrives we'll be left with nothing to discuss because it will just be there, as the present.
It's just a "yup, here we are.", with nothing to show for it.
Now is the future, still. I believe we must live like it.
Know what I mean?
Another:yes, I do


~~

My idea of the meaning "Stuff and Nonsense"-By Missy Higgins

I think that it's about living in the now, pure, and in utter disregard to what may come. The idea of the future and unknown was at first more appealing than what had been the present, but as time passed, the feeling had developed into the wish for the present to remain.

"I don't ever want to be so fixated on the future that I stare past all the opportunities given to me now."

~~~

"The reason I always try to learn..

is because without knowledge and experience, what right have I to say anything,
or to form judgements?"

I honestly believe this to be my truth. I understand how people can say I am wrong in thinking things like this, but I don't understand so much the concept that another may have the jurisdiction to say that their idea is an absolute, single truth. It's also why I dare to question the ethics of the Bible. Now, I know that the manuscript is widely distributed with good intention, yes, I know. I know that it allegedly came from one of much greater worth and whose omnipresence is the origin of knowledge;our very existence as we know it.. But are these not more than guidelines? What of those who hadn't been given the opportunity to adhere to given religious standards. What about the ignorant? Should they be damned for the sole reason that fate had not granted them a chance encounter with that specific knowledge? While many say the world is small, it is truly a marvel in the grand scheme of things when you think of the multiple types of people, languages, cultures, etc... some of which no doubt remain unknown to us. The idea of one specific religion could never be taught widely among the whole population, especially if it conflicts basic human nature and survival instincts. Everyone wants to believe that there is something beyond this life.. that in the end, there will be a grand judgement, and upholding our morals when challenged with opportunities that arise in which we stand at a fork, pressured to decide in an instant whether we should waive our principles for the sake of convenience. I mean, I'd like to believe it too, but we can't know there is. So I'm just going to live to the best of my ability and do what I think is right, which may or may not conflict religions laws. I don't believe inequality for gays is just, which stems from the bible supposedly claiming "Man is made for Woman". I don't think that quote in itself is fair. After all, should love ever be banished between people, just because they aren't of the opposite sex? I firmly believe that love should be boundless and limitless as something sacred, valued above all else. That no one, no matter how respected, worshiped, w/e, has the right to determine it as void, or say it is meant to be experienced in one specific way. You can't force love.. Love is not simply aimed, shapened, or controlled.. it can be sparked spontaneously, developed through experience, understanding, and is eternal. It's similar to the ways of the human mind, as the subconcious and accompaning thoughts can not be truly supressed, or ignored. And I strongly believe that love can be shaped from an attraction through personality, attitude, actions, etc. as apposed to requiring some physical aspect to validate it. Otherwise, what is a love of parents and siblings? Friends? Pets (lol)? For me, my strongest attractions and relationships have not stemmed from what was initially a physical attraction, but what may have started as a friendship, or something along those lines, and experienced a metamorphosis over time that eventually resulted in the emergence of a bond stronger than those I had formed with most others. In fact my past crushes and infatuations resulted eventually in slow unraveling, or growing apart in my relationship between the given person. Physical attraction has been known to fade over time.. So to me, physical attraction like a crush or infatuation at the most a sign of potential for a relationship to form and develop, however, if built on nothing more than those false structure, then the relation is predestined to fall apart. In a relationship with physical attraction, it can be really hard to know where to even START x.x And things can become really awkward unless you find common ground, and just flat out fail if you don't. I'm thankful for my ability to fall in love based on personality, and attitude, and that my physical attraction for someone grows as I see certain qualities such as caring, understanding, and respect being exercised through their choice of actions; and that it can work the other way, dissolving slowly as their actions provide insight unto their true character. Honestly, it does take an amazing person to win my heart. And nobody who knows me really knows this way of mine, or that my opinion of them changes so easily. They have no idea that the choice of actions have such influence on my views of them as a person, and I suppose it may be because I make a point conceal any negative thoughts or hidden feelings I may foster towards someone, unless they hurt me in some way, which may include hurting those close to me.. I'm not very controlled in the ways I react to pain. Actually.. I'm frequently exceedingly rash, impetuous, and indiscreet in my retaliations. I can't say there haven't been situations where jumping to a assumption got me in a fix, and I was at fault for some misunderstanding or another. I can have an oversensitivity from time to time in regards to conversation, and the chance that some off-hand comment was said with malintentions, or that some sarcastic expression and jokes said by others were told purely at my expense.. I think there's a word for that that's not paranoia or just oversenstivity :\