*cough cough*

Damn. I hate being sick. Here I am, approaching the 6th day of being bed-ridden.. Well. If it were up to me, I would have been out of the house and continuing to persue my aspirations awhile ago. Unfortunately, my 105 degree fever and diagnosis of Bronchitis was enough motivation for the doctor to make it mandatory that I stay in bed. I am not very good at remaining inactive for long periods of time.. and the longer I'm kept at home, the less time I have to prepare for my upcoming competition, auditions, and the transition of Marching Band to Concert Band. I knew this was going to happen >.< The week before the Wind Ensemble auditions, for the past 3 years, I have recurrently come down with some form that disease. Not only does Bronchitis suck, but for me, this time of year is the worst possible time I could fall ill. In retrospective, it's probably a good thing I was forcibly kept at home because I have a tendency to push myself past my physical limit. With that fever, that could mean hospitalization or death. So.. I guess I'll try to recover. How annoying. Heh.. I'd almost rather be at school saying,"Oh yeah, I'm at school with a 105 degree fever 'cause I'm hardcore like that!", while all my friends run and duck for cover from the direct line of infectious fire. lol. Now THAT sounds like an amazing day ;D It was odd, though. Once my fever reached a certain temperature, I couldn't feel any heat, or lack thereof. Ice was placed on my neck, and all I felt was the wetness of the washrag that the ice was contained in. Normally I would have felt it. I wonder if that intensity of a fever effects everybody in that way. Speaking of the effects the fever had on me..

I had quite a few interesting trains of thought.

~Why do bipolar people think they're god or are invincible?

Here's one I hadn't revisited in a while. But last night I was reminded.
"Cogito, ergo sum"- I think, therefore I am.
How does this apply? Well, you can only know for certain that you're real. In other words, you only occupy your own concious. And this validates your own existence. But because you are yourself, then there prolly ought to be a reason. Being bipolar, I have been blessed with the gift of mania. This is something that isn't very common. And I know that I, as a person, am unique. After all the times my life could have ended through suicide attempts, reckless behavior, and the like, I am still alive. I am still in relatively good health. And while I know I can be hurt, I do not know that I can die. I do not know that my whole life consists of this very day, and all my memories are not synthetic and implanted. Or that my life isn't perpectually repeating every time I do die. Or if I am revived within that day to walk another path. I could have been anyone or anything, but I am me. I could have died at any of those numerous times, but I'm alive. That's why it's fairly rational from my perspective to allow the thought to cross my mind that perhaps I can't die. Maybe if I jumped off of a cliff, I would not die (or some higher force would not allow it). I must be meant for something great since I am me, and if I wasn't, then why am I ME? And maybe I am my own god, or my life had been prescripted. This type of thinking could just be the result of trying to rationalize the unrational. You can choose to believe there is no reason. You can choose to believe you are fated to be a lowly servant. Or you can believe you are significant and meant for greatness. I guess time will tell. Oh :x I forgot to take my medicine xD Oh my...