Heart-numbingly..

My family.. ...... .......................
That's all I feel, all I can think.
My mom confronted my father today about a text message she read on his phone from his "girlfriend"..
You see, the thing about that is he is MARRIED >_> It's not the first time, and at least this time I didn't have to be the secret keeper.. That burden was overpowering to me before.. It lead me towards self-loathing that fostered self-injury.. but I can't feel anything,now. Not even pain. If I'm not dead, I may as well be.. I'd more readily hurt myself to feel;to remind myself that I CAN feel, and that's I'm not just some sociopath who never really had any true emotions.. I'll be so afraid that I'm completely fake and that I'm really an evil,evil person who everybody hates and talks about behind their back. But I haven't hurt myself.. not like I would have if it was this time last year. I should be hurt or upset or something... not just completely flat and apathetic. This is so screwed up......! Emotions are the main thing I live for and through.. If I have none, that's the worst possible hell for me. I joke not. *sigh* What am I going to do?

What a way to kick off my vacation...