Shit happens.. yeah,it happened to me.

There are so many things I know I need to write about here, otherwise I'm going to freakin' explode.

First of all, my dad is still her and we all live in the same house for the sake of preserving argumentativeness.. I hate the fighting. I hate it! I don't want to be pinned into having to choose sides. I don't even think I..
Well. There are too many things going on involving too many people, friend and family alike. I want to save the world;I always have wanted to save the world, but I'm starting to think that perhaps it is truly too far beyond me.. And I'm coming to find that my body doesn't appreciate the ways I had push it past its limit before, so it has the choice to retaliate. I feel bad. Sick. And upon reflecting these past monthes.. since that last,rather unfortunate,occurence.. It's all been downhill in every aspect except maybe mood. Mentally, I'm getting worse, but not moodwise.. I mean my cognitive ability is disintegrating..memory,speech,communicating ability,and all. My body fails me. I'm so sick of the different tests and different symptoms and sleepless nights of anxiety and pain, but this is about more than me. I suppose that's the thought that keeps me going, you see..

Just because there are things that have been happening in my life that strike me as chaotic does not mean the world stops and that people suddenly don't need me to be there for them. But about friends..

Apparently I did something to anger a friend of mine, and it's prolly something that has taken place through the course of time but resided outside my field of awareness.. I still feel obligated to take the blame. Why DO I feel that way? My other friend was right to point that out... and to criticise me for it. It's something that needs to be changed.. gruuu

my stomach x.x It's not that I feel naseau, but something isn't right. I don't know what's been wrong with me, but it feels so bad.. it can't be right. It's not like it's just depression,either.. my whole body feels more foreign and awkward because of the aches and spazzing, like I'm the next candidate for spontaneous human combustion. Gloria.. and her friend..

What am I going to do with her? Her friend is in an extremely abusive situation and obviously unstable mentally,likely because of that same situation. Gloria seems to be going through alot of things herself..

It appears that helping other people with their own problems is the only way I can get through mine. 5 monthes is probably the longest I've gone in 2 years... with the present state of things,this next month very well may be the hardest of my life.